SCENE  1.  int. – 17^th Field Hospital, Doctor’s Office - morning

Lt. Callaghan enters and waits to be recognised. Doctors head is stuck in a medical folder.

Capt. Barnes:

Sit down Lieutenant

Lt. Callaghan:

That’s just the problem Doctor, I can’t sit down.

Capt. Barnes:

What seems to be the problem?

Lt. Callaghan:

I have a terrible pain in my butt and when I have a bowel movement, there is blood all over.

Capt. Barnes reaches for some surgical gloves

Capt. Barnes:

Stand under that light, pull down your pants and bend over.

capt. Barnes prods around for a while

It is nothing we cannot mend, Lieutenant, you have severe hemorrhoids.

Lt. Callaghan:

Cute! Now how did I manage to inflict myself with such a terrible disease? I thought only old people and pregnant mother got them. How the hell did I get them, Doctor?

Capt. barnes:

Diet probably; many soldiers seem to have them over here with the change in diet and the malaria pills. They’re no problem though. We’ll have the little devils out in no time at all. You can get dressed now and wait outside in the reception area. The nurse will call you when we’re ready.

SCENE  2. Int. – 17^th Field Hospital, reception area - morning

Lt. Callaghan waddles out of the office and stands by the nursing station.

Nurse Bitchem:

What do you want Lieutenant? I thought I told you to sit down a couple of minutes ago.

Lt. Callaghan:

I was with the doctor a couple of minutes ago. You must be thinking of someone else.

Nurse Bitchem:

No, I distinctly remember your attitude when you walked in. You refused to sit down. No one stands here without assistance. This is a hospital. Now go sit down or I will have to sit in a wheelchair!

Lt. Callaghan gave up and waddled over to the water cooler, Nurse Bitchem makes an announcement.

Lieutenant Callaghan, go to room three to be prepped for your hemorrhoid surgery.

Nurse Bitchem’s sarcastic glare, as well as all the others in reception, watched him waddle down the hall.

SCENE  3. int. 17^th Field Hospital, Room 3 - Morning

Lt. callaghan wanders into the dressing room mumbling to himself

Lt. Callaghan:

I suppose I shouldn’t get so upset. After all these guys should know what they are up to. Then again, they always claim they are practicing.

Someone behind Lt. Callaghan offers a robe. Lt. Callaghan is startled.

Where the hell did you come from?

Male Nurse1:

It doesn’t matter where I come from, just take off your clothes and put this on.

Watches Lt. Callaghan change. Lt Callaghan fumbles with dressing.

Did you want me to give you a hand?

Lt. callaghan:

No, I can take care of myself so you can go stare at someone else.

Lt. Callaghan finishes and exits the dressing room to the surgery.

SCENE  4. int. – 17^th field hospital, surgery - morning

Nurse standing by operating table, patting top of table.

Male Nurse1:

Well, you really made a mess of that Lieutenant. Hope up here so we can get at your backside.

Lt. Callaghan:

That’s just what I am afraid of...

Lt. Callaghan tries to climb on to the operating table.

Male Nurse1:

Do you need a hand Lieutenant?

Motions to another nurse

Come on; let’s give this guy a lift.

Lt. callaghan dropped on the table like a dead fish. Head and feet hang over the ends of the table.

Lt. Callaghan:

Thanks for the help but couldn’t you have warmed it up a little?

Male Nurse1:

That’s the way they come Sir. I am sure you will be warming it up soon.

Lt. Callaghan:

Then is there any way of propping up my head and feet?

Nurses pull extension trays out of the head and foot of the table.

Male Nurse1:

There, is that better.

Lt. Callaghan:

Yes, thank you.

Watches Capt. barnes clear the local ANESTHETIC syringe. Nurses prepare lengths of FOUR-INCH wide adhesive tape. callaghan getting nervous.

What’s the tape for?

capt. Barnes:

To hold you down of course. Now roll over so we can get to your rear end. Just so you know you will feel a little pulling and minor discomfort when the nurses spread your buttocks and tape you to the table.

Lt. Callaghan:

How do I know you’re not setting me up for an unnatural act of some kind?

Capt. Barnes:

Don’t be silly Lieutenant, Trust me, I’m a Doctor.

Slaps Lt. Callaghan on the buttocks

This is going to hurt a little so brace yourself.

As the needle enters Lt. callaghan slams the head of the table tray into its enclosure with a loud bang. capt. barnes pulls back and lets the syringe fly.

Lt. Callaghan:

Little? That really hurt!

Capt. barnes:

Why did you do that? Can’t you compensate for the pain?

Lt. Callaghan:

It’s my butt not yours! Can’t you be gentler?

Nurse quickly leaves the room. Another doctor arrives.

Capt. Paisley:

I understand that you have a difficult case here.

The two doctors confer for several moments

Capt. Barnes:

You do the cutting. I’ll do the cleanup. I’ve only seen this done once at medical school.

Capt. paisley starts to dig in.

Capt. Paisley:

Where did you go to medical school?

capt. Barnes:

San Francisco.

Capt. Paisley:

That’s surprising. That’s a big city. You should have gotten a lot of practice.

Capt. Paisley slaps Lt. Callaghan on the cheek

That should fix you up.

Pulls off his surgical gloves and heads for the door. Turns to Capt. Barnes.

Barnes, you can clean up now. Next time you are on your own.

Capt. Barnes:

We’ll have you back on your feet in no time Lieutenant. Just a few more stitches…

Capt. barnes pulls on the STITCHING thread.

Now as a finishing touch the nurses will pack you with cotton and tape you up. There won’t be much of anything getting out for the next couple of days. One of the nurses will call for transportation to get you back to your unit. If I were you, I’d take the next couple of days off. See you in two days and we’ll remove the bandages.

SCENE  5. ext. – c.m.a.c. Headquarters, Front Entrance – mid day

Jeep screeches to a halt. Lt. callaghan, shaking has difficulty getting out of the jeep. Turns to Cpl. Rosenburg

Lt. Callaghan:

Thanks for keeping it to a reasonable speed this time.

CPL. Rosenburg:

You’re welcome Sir but I am sure that sight isn’t. I wonder what they are going to say when they see you.

Lt. callaghan Starts to SQUAT walk towards the entrance of the building. BG Gottard and his staff are coming from the opposite direction. Lt Callaghan looks up and sees them

Lt. Callaghan: (V.O.)

Oh shit, I’ve had it now. It’s not like I have any other option so here goes.

BG. Gottard turns to Col. Sharp, doesn’t immediately recognise Lt. callaghan

BG. Gottard:

Is that man wounded?

Col. Sharp walks over to Lt. Callaghan

Col. Sharp:

Lt. Callaghan, are you wounded?

Lt. Callaghan:

No Sir, I just had an operation on my hemorrhoids. My butt is killing me.

Col. Sharp turns to BG. Gottard and shouts, laughs

Col. Sharp:

Lieutenant Callaghan just had his hemorrhoids cut. He’ll be okay.

BG. Gottard and staff start laughing

BG. Gottard:

Lieutenant Callaghan you look like you’ve been goosed! You had better heal quickly because the rest of these guys have too much rank to have to take over the shit jobs I’ve been handing out to you.

Lt. Callaghan  turns and sees the jeep

Lt. Callaghan:

Thanks for waiting for me Rosenburg.

CPL. Rosenburg:

Under the circumstances Sir, I thought I had better hold tight until I was given the sign that you didn’t need me.

Lt. Callaghan mounts the jeep with considerable effort. The lack of a seat pad didn’t help.

Lt. Callaghan:

I’ll take back all the bad things I have ever said about your driving.

CPL. Rosenburg screeches off.

SCENE  6. ext. – Meyerkord Boq, street entrance - Morning

Two days later Lt. Callaghan walks awkwardly towards the jeep.

LT. Callaghan:

What still no seat pads Corporal? You did that the last time we made this trip. Still in sewing, I presume. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with them. I bet their absence is a sinister plan to reduce the number of officers you have to ferry around.

CPL. Rosenburg:

Oh, Sir you strike right to the core, would I do a thing like that? There was nothing I could do about it, regulations are regulations.

Lt. Callaghan:

Then how about regulating your driving practices on the way to the dispensary?

CPL. Rosenburg:

I’ll try Sir.

Takes off with a screech. Lt. Callaghan holds on for dear life.

SCENE  7. ext. – 17^th Field Hospital, road front - Morning

Cpl. Rosenburg slowly MANOEUVRES through the 55 Gallon drum barriers and still screeches to a halt. Lt. Callaghan dismounts.

Lt. Callaghan:

I’m glad your driving didn’t cause a rupture before I am attended.

CPL. Rosenburg:

Do you want me to wait Sir?

Lt. Callaghan:

I don’t know how long this is going to take so it’s best you do. Why don’t you go for a little ride and return in a half an hour. It will save you a trip and you’ll have some time off.

CPL. Rosenburg:

A half an hour it shall be Sir.

Lt. Callaghan waddles into the 17^th Field Hospital

SCENE  8. int. 17^th Field Hospital, Reception - Morning

Lt. Callaghan enters, Nurse Bitchem recognises Lt. Callaghan

Nurse Bitchem:

You again? Just sit over there and wait to be called.

Lt. Callaghan tries to sit down several times. Each time there is a problem. Then he is finally settled. Then he hears a voice over the loudspeakers.

Lieutenant Callaghan you may go in and see the doctor now. Make it quick, he doesn’t have all day.

Lt. Callaghan waddles into the doctors office.

SCENE  9. int. – 17^th Field Hospital, doctor’s office - Morning

Capt. Barnes is engrossed in paperwork. Motions Lt. Callaghan to a table.

Capt. Barnes:

Looks like we will be opening you up today. Hop up on that table and the nurse will be in soon to remove your bandages.

Lt. Callaghan tries to climb up un to the table.

Lt. Callaghan:

I need a little help Doctor.

A large female nurse and the two male nurses who initially applied the bandages arrive

Nurse Helga:

Help is on the way!

Capt. barnes:

I’ll be back to check on the damages as soon as the nurses clear the area.

Lt. Callaghan:

Not waiting for the explosion I see.

Nurse Helga pushes Lt. callaghan on to the table

Nurse Helga:

That wasn’t very funny, Lieutenant. You’re the troublemaker we had in here a couple of days ago.

Male Nurses start pulling off Lt. Callaghan’s pants

Turn over as soon as they get your pants off. Make it snappy, we don’t have all day.

Two Male nurses grab the adhesive tape and in a single jerk pull it off.

Now, that wasn’t bad was it?

Lt. Callaghan:

Did you leave any skin or hair?

Nurse Helga:

Why should you care, you can’ see it? (pause)  Just hold still now while I get the doctor in so he can inspect the damages.

capt. Barnes enters

Capt. Barnes:

It doesn’t seem to be too bad. At least he didn’t sew it up like the last guy. Oh by the way, you’ll have to wear this.

Holds up a sanitary napkin

Lt. callaghan:

Doctor, you cannot be serious, and backwards. That’s going to be cute.

Nurse Helga:

Men are such sissies.

Capt. Barnes:

You’ll have to be very careful for a while. No excitement, unless you can wash immediately afterwards. You need to lead a quiet, placid life for a few days.

Lt. Callaghan:

In a war zone?

Capt. Barnes:

Yes, Lieutenant, in a war zone.

SCENE  10. ext. – 17^th field hospital, street at front entrance – Mid day

Lt. Callaghan exits the dispensary and sees Cpl. Rosenburg. makes his way to the jeep.

CPL. Rosenburg:

Well Sir, it looks like you can walk a little better.

Lt. Callaghan:

Yes, Corporal, in some ways I can. I have been told to avoid excitement and return to the BOQ. Therefore, could you take it a little slower? I know it’s tough but just this once.

Cpl. rosenburg paid no attention and took off with a screech, racing through the 55 gallon road barriers, increasing speed

cpl. Rosenburg:

I always wanted to do this. It reminds me if stock car racing.

Windshield shatters and two bullet holes appear in the hood of the jeep.

Lt. callaghan:

Someone is shooting at us!

Rosenburg suddenly turns away from the direction of fire, shoves Lt. Callaghan out of the jeep. Lt Callaghan rolls and stops behind a barrier. Cpl. Rosenburg just misses a barrier loses control and slams into a poultry shop sending ducks, chickens and geese everywhere.

Shots ricocheted around Lt. callaghan and he attempts to get his pistol. in the background Poultry shop assistant is chasing cpl. Rosenburg, hitting him with a dead duck.

Shop Assistant: 

You pay GI, you pay!

cpl Rosenburg manages to restart the jeep and backs away from the shop stopping by Lt. Callaghan

cpl. Rosenburg:

You okay Lieutenant?

Lt. callaghan:

Yea, I’m okay. I just hate sitting in three days of shit. Let’s get the hell out of here before anything else happens.

Lt. callaghan slowly gets into the jeep.

So much for no excitement! Drop me off at the Meyerkord, I have something to take care of. I don’t know what I am going to do after that. I may go to the PX and look for an air conditioner. Would you ask Captain Dennison if he wants to join me? I don’t think going back to work is a good idea. Besides there’s not much time left in the day.

SCENE  11. ext. On the ROAD TO the PX – late afternoon:

Lt. Callaghan and Capt. Dennison in a jeep. Capt. Dennison driving.

Capt. Dennison:

You know this was supposed to be my afternoon off. Then I got word from Corporal Rosenburg that you had been sick. I had planned to go to Gia Dinh to see my honey but she is sick. She has been getting sick more often lately.

Lt. Callaghan:

What do you think is the reason?

Capt. Dennison:

Could be that her fellow workers who have been sniping at her for going out with an American are finally getting to her. They warn her that when the NVA win this war she’ll be in a lot of trouble.  They say she may have to be ‘re-educated’.

Lt. Callaghan:

Re-education sound like a cover for getting back at those who were friendly to the enemy. Then again, she could be pregnant.

Capt. Dennison:

Great! Thanks Callaghan, that would be all I need.

They stop in traffic

We’re close but I don’t know if this is a good idea. Traffic is heavy and I don’t like spending my afternoon off sitting in a jeep in Cholon. Besides the PX is closely guarded. The Thai’s and the Koreans post lookouts at the receiving dock and as soon as a shipment of desirable goods, especially air conditioners and fridges, arrives they show up en masse and suck up the inventory. Then they sell them on the Black Market for a tidy sum while we just look the other way.

Lt. Callaghan:

Yea, but you try getting away with selling to the Black Market, especially if you’re an officer. CID comes down on you like a ton of bricks.

Capt. Dennison stands up and looks over the tops of the cars in front of him.

Capt. Dennison:

There’s a mass of Thai and Korean soldiers in the area. I wonder what is going on.

Thai Armored personnel carrier (APC) pulls up behind them. Traffic parts to give it a path. Fifty cal machine gun aimed at them

Lt. Callaghan:

Sir, did you notice what is directly behind us?

Capt. Dennison:

This does not look good Lieutenant. The Thai’s look like they are getting into position. I knew we shouldn’t have come today.

Korean two and a half ton truck blocks the road and stops within inches of them.

Hey, you idiot. Watch what the hell you are doing!

Another Thai APC pulls in front of the Korean truck boxing the jeep in the middle.

Did you see what just happened? I cannot believe this! What the hell is going on!

Suddenly the THAI Apcs open up and thai soldiers surround the korean truck, pulling the TARPAULIN off the back. Inside the truck is full of new, boxed air conditioners. Lt. Callaghan stands up.

Lt. Callaghan:

Hey, I want one of those!

Capt. Dennison reaches for the radio microphone

Capt. Dennison:

I don’t think they did that for your sake Lieutenant. Looks like we’re caught up in a little international incident. I had better radio headquarters and let them know what is going on.

Thai soldier quickly approaches Capt. Dennison. Indicates with his automatic rifle that Capt. Dennison should put the microphone down.

Looks like we’re up to our asses in alligators. Under the circumstances, common sense would dictate that we keep as low a profile as possible.

Lt. callaghan:

I believe you are right. We should sink into the seats and pretend to disappear.

Sporadic heavy machine gun fire erupts, surprising both of them.

Capt. Dennison:

Don’t move a muscle.

Lt. Callaghan:

I’m not even moving my lips.

Capt. Dennison:

Don’t be a wise ass Lieutenant. This is not funny. We could be killed here.

Lt. Callaghan stands in the jeep, shouts

Lt. Callaghan:

This is a bunch of bullshit. This is not our fight so just let us out of here and we’ll be on our way. Comprende?

Thai and Korean soldiers continue their arguments.

I guess that didn’t work. Well, can’t say that we didn’t try.

Instantly two thai soldiers appeared and motioned for Capt. Dennison and lt. Callaghan to get out of their jeep. They didn’t move.

Can I help you?

Thai soldiers push them out of the jeep and behind the Thai APC.

Where are you taking us?

Capt. Dennison:

Looks like they are getting us out of the middle of this.

Lt. callaghan:

I suggest that we walk away quietly and forget the whole thing happened.

Capt. Dennison:

No running. I don’t want to be target practice for the Thais.

They turned a corner and out of sight of the Thais they ran

Find a couple of pedicabs to get us back to C.M.A.C. We’ll have to work out how to get the jeep back when we get back.

Lt. callaghan:

Hey Sir, what about my air conditioner.

Capt. Dennison:

If we stayed there much longer we would have been air conditioned with their rifles.

SCENE  12. int. – c.m.a.c. Tactical Operations Center (TOC) – early evening:

Capt. Dennison and Lt. Callaghan enter, address the TOC Duty Officer

Capt. Dennison:

Sir, we’ve just managed to slip out of a confrontation between the Thais and Koreans at the PX. They’re in a standoff over a Korean truckload of air conditioners.

Col. taggert:

Thanks Captain, we know about that. The MPs have arrived at the scene but are ineffective in trying to break it up. It seems the Koreans did a deal with someone at the PX and managed to get a truckload of air conditioners off the loading dock. The Thais are pissed off because they wanted to do the deal. Now they’re in both in a standoff. As you say, nothing is moving.  You were lucky to get out of there without being shot. They don’t like outsiders getting involved in their affairs.

Lt. Callaghan:

Sir, they moved us off at gunpoint. Our jeep is blocked in between APCs and the Korean truckload of air conditioners.

Col. Taggert:

That’s cute, I wonder if we’ll ever get the jeep back. Either of them could part it on the spot. We may have to send in troops to break it up. From the looks of it, we will be waiting quite a while before it breaks up.

Lt. Callaghan:

I think I’ll head for the PX and see if I can get an air conditioner.

Capt. Dennison:

Are you crazy?

Lt. Callaghan:

The way I see it Sir, the Koreans and the Thais will be focusing on the shipment at the back of the PX. There should be few, if any, in the PX itself thus increasing my chances.

Capt. Dennison:

I don’t know why you tempt fate Callaghan.

Lt. Callaghan:

I need an air conditioner Sir, simple as that.

SCENE  13. int. – Meyerkord BOQ, Callaghan’s room - night:

Lt. Callaghan manhandles the boxed air conditioner through the door. Lt. Spencer, his room mate is on the bed reading a book

Lt. Spencer:

Callaghan, it’s about time you finally got one. Do you need a hand?

Lt. Callaghan:

No, I like sweating through this on my own and what the hell do you mean ‘about time’? About time my ass! You could have gotten one just as easy if you weren’t so goddamn tight!

Lt. Spencer:

Okay, I’ll spring for a third of the cost.

Lt. Callaghan:

And I have to track down ‘Cannon Ed’ to get the other third? He’s rarely here anymore and tighter than you.

Lt. Spencer:

That’s okay with me. I’ve gotten pretty concerned with the way he waves that .357 magnum around every time a pin drops in this room. The night our gecko fell on him I thought we were all dead. It took me a while to get back off the floor.

Lt. callaghan:

It took even longer to get the blown out window fixed.

Starts the air conditioner, closes the windows and doors and flops down on the bed.

Ah, this is the life. I’ll sleep like a baby tonight.

Lt. Spencer:

You’ve been sleeping like a baby since you showed up here after your operation.

Lt. Callaghan:

That’s because I was on pain killers. This one is going to be for real.

Looks around.

Did you bring in any water tonight?

Lt. Spencer:

No, I forgot.

Lt. Callaghan:

Don’t trouble yourself, I’ll get it.

Opens the door to leave the room and notices a trash can and its contents of bottles and cans dropping from a floor above and heading down THE CENTRAL shaft towards the corrugated ground floor rooftop below. It had the effect of an artillery shell exploding when the can and its contents hit the in roof.  

There goes another trashcan artillery round.

Interior balconies flood with people.

BOQ Sergeant: (O.O.V)

Everything is all right. There is no reason to be concerned. I’ll get the prankster that thinks he can disrupt our otherwise calm existence with this type of activity. Please go back inside your rooms. The perpetrator will be caught!

With that, another trashcan descends from the upper floors

You see, you see! Total defiance! How can I deal with a lawless society?

The balance of his commentary is drowned out by the second explosion. Lt. Callaghan shuts the door.

Lt. Callaghan: 

He’s going mad.

Lt. Spencer:

Well he’s tried everything to catch the guy. At one time, he had the trashcans welded to the railings. Then the maids revolted to he had them cut away. He’s even put chains on them but someone brought in a bold cutter and freed them all.

Lt. Callaghan:

I’ve had it, I’m going to bed. It’s been a hell of a day.

Another trash can explodes, Lt. Callaghan jerks and then falls asleep.

SCENE  14. int. – c.m.a.c. Radio Room – morning:

Lt. callaghan enters

SFC. Holstein:

Good morning Sir, I trust you finally had a peaceful night.

Lt. CALLAGHAN:

It was great Sergeant, especially with the new air conditioner.

SFC. Holstein:

Oh, so you did get a new air conditioner Sir. I would have thought that the Thai and Korean standoff would have persuaded you to keep away from the place.

Lt. callaghan:

That’s just the point. Because of the standoff the PX was empty.

Phone rings

SFC. Holstein:

Sir, it’s for you. I think it’s Lieutenant Steele. Sorry, I forgot, he called once yesterday.

Lt. Callaghan:

This is Lieutenant Callaghan.

Lt. Steele:  (O.O.V)

How are you doing old buddy? Listen have I got a surprise for you. Old ‘Toon Twelbe’ Snade is in town. He has been stationed at the DMZ and somehow he managed a trip down here for a couple of days.  He arrived late yesterday and wanted to go directly to Tu Do so I took him to all the tourist spots to keep him busy until curfew. However he wants to meet up tonight at 1930. I have a bunch of things to do. I’ll pick him up. Can you meet us in the Brass Monkey Bar on Tu do at 1930. I’d pick you up but I’m pressed for time.

Lt. Callaghan:

Sure, it’s only a couple of blocks down from the Meyerkord. I’ll see you then.

SCENE 15. int. – Tu Do Street, the Brass Monkey Bar, evening:

Lt. Callaghan enters and Lts. Steele and Snade are at the Bar.

Lt. callaghan:

Snade, how the hell are you.

Lt. Snade:

I’m good and ready for a little action.

Lt. Steele:

There’s plenty of it all along this street. You choose where you want to go. Not too far from the jeep though as there is always the chance that we may have to make a quick exit.

Lt. Snade:

This place will do. There are a bunch of cuties over there.

Lt. Snade moves from the bar stool to a booth and is immediately enclosed by a COVEY of girls wanting him to buy them a drink. Lt. Snade pulls out his wallet and flashes his money

There’s plenty of it here. Let’s have some fun girls! Drinks all around.

Lt. Callaghan:

This guy is really randy. We’re going to have to watch him like a hawk.

Lt. Steele pulls some of the girls off Lt. Snade but he objects and the bouncers interfere on the girls behalf.

Lt. Steele:

He’s ordered two rounds of drinks. I told him about the tea but he wouldn’t believe me. We’ll have to leave him alone and hope for the best. Just keep an eye on him. I have to take a leak.

Lt. Callaghan turns to the bar tender and notices the Lieutenant next to him slide a US $50 to the bartender.

Lt. Callaghan:

Don’t I know you from somewhere?

Lieutenant:

I don’t think so Sir.

Lt. Callaghan:

I know, you’re a driver for the 5^th Special Forces. Where’d you get the greenbacks?

Lieutenant:

They were just laying around the compound Sir so I scooped some up.

Suddenly MPs rush into the bar and grab the ‘Lieutenant’, whisk him out without a word.

Lt. Steele:

What’s going on?

Lt. Callaghan:

Some guy from 5^th Special Forces with US currency posing as an officer just got collared.

Looks around for Lt. Snade

Speaking of collared, where the hell is Snade.

There, pointing, over there going up those stairs with two of the girls that were with him. They start up the stairs and are blocked by the bouncers. Lt. Callaghan shouts

Jeb, where the hell are you?

Bouncers push them down the STAIRS, TO, and out the front door.

Looks like we lost that round.

SCENE  16. ext. – Tu Do Street, Front of Brass Monkey Bar - night:

Lt. Steele:

It’s probably best we hang loose and wait for him. It won’t take long for them to clean him out, get him laid and then he’ll out the front door with 20 piaster’s in his pocket.

Lt. callaghan:

Not much change from $1200 in Military Payment Certificates.

Lt. Steele:

No, it’s not, but it’s the going rate.

They wait in the jeep. Twenty Minutes later Snade is helped out the front door of the Brass Monkey and deposited on the ground

Lets go get him. We need to get him out of here before he figures out what happened to him. If he gets pissed off then we’re going to have real trouble.

They grab a blurry eyed and legless Lt. Snade, help him walk to the jeep

It’s late and I can’t get caught in Tu Do in an MP jeep. Let’s get out of here. Hold on to him so he doesn’t fall out.

SCENE  17.  EXT. – Streets of Saigon - night

Jeep heads towards Lt. Snade’s BOQ as fast as traffic will let it move.

Lt. Snade:

Wait, I need to go back. I didn’t get my change.

Lt. Steele keeps driving

I didn’t get my change. I only have twenty piaster’s in my wallet.

Lt. Callaghan tries to keep him occupied until they reach his BOQ and have help from the Mps

Lt. Callaghan:

Have you checked your pockets? You may have put some of your cash in one of them.

Lt. Snade is in bad shape and has trouble getting his pockets unbuttoned. They arrive at his BOQ. Summon the MP guard to help them get him into the BOQ

Lt. Steele:

Snade, we’ll go back and check for you. You had better get some sleep.

Lt. Snade:

Sleep, yea sleep. I need some sleep.

Lt. Snade passes out

SCENE 18. int. – c.m.a.c. Signal Office – Morning

Lt. Callaghan enters. Is immediately accosted by Maj. Dingby

Maj. Dingby:

Lieutenant Callaghan, I was speaking with Engineering yesterday and they told me that you didn’t join them for their inspection trip to the Bin Dinh Bridge. We must be careful, Lieutenant, to ensure that a streak of complacency doesn’t creep into our otherwise highly disciplined operation.

Lt. Callaghan:

Sir, you knew that I was unavailable as I had surgery that day.

Maj. Dingby:

Yet you managed to get into a firefight, an international incident and purchase an air conditioner. One might say that your priorities need realigning.

Lt. Callaghan:

Yes Sir. I’ll arrange to complete the inspection tomorrow. May I have Corporal Rosenburg as driver Sir?

Maj. Dingby:

See that you do make the inspection Lieutenant. I would not like to have to tell the Colonel that you have been remiss in the performance of your duties.

I’ll arrange for Rosenburg to be assigned to you for the trip.

By the way, the bridge has been targeted for the last several nights. Maybe you could help the situation by drawing their fire.

Lt. Callaghan:

Thank you Sir. I’ll keep that in mind.

SCENE 19. : ext. – c.m.a.c. motor pool - morning

Lt. Callaghan gets into a jeep, Cpl. Rosenburg is driving.

Lt. Callaghan:

You sure you can make it to Bin Dinh and back in a day Rosenburg?

Cpl. Rosenburg:

No problem Sir. The slow part is getting out of the city. Once we’re clear of the city we’ll be there in no time.

Lt. Callaghan:

There is a lot of incentive to be back early. I have a meeting to attend.

Cpl. Rosenburg:

I understand Sir, with Lieutenant Steele at the International House.

Lt. Callaghan:

How did you know?

cpl. rosenburg:

I overheard you on the phone yesterday.

Lt. Callaghan:

Is there nothing sacred? Come on, lets get going or I’ll be late.

Jeep screeches off.

SCENE  20. int. – c.m.a.c. Signal Office - morning

Lt. Callaghan enters

Maj. Dingby:

Well, look who’s here. I assume that you have your Bin Dinh Bridge report ready and while you’re at it, you can give us an update on your dinner with Lieutenant Steele at the International House.

Lt. Callaghan:

Yes Sir, the Bin Dinh bridge and goose report is ready. As far as dinner went, it was just another night at the International House.

Maj. Dingby:

It’s obvious you didn’t stay overnight so you must have missed the firefight.

Lt. Callaghan:

Sorry Sir, I would have liked to have stayed but Corporal Rosenburg is such a good driver we made the trip in no time at all. I felt my time would be better spent here at work than taking up facilities at Bin Dinh.

Maj. Dingby:

I’m sure your first thoughts were of the Signal Section. You’re dismissed.